After having gotten off a very long phone call with my mom, I've realised something. I have intimacy issues. And there isn't even a hint of smile on my face as I'm typing this. I really think I do. Like, I get very uncomfortable when I get into physical contact with people. Even the ones I'm close to, even my family, especially my family. I withdraw. I just feel extremely uncomfortable that there is contact, and I would try to keep away to maintain my own space. At first, I thought th...

You know... After having gone through so much, I suddenly feel this dawning realization creep up upon me. I guess after every personal crisis I go through, I would think that that is the worst already, but it really isn't. There are so many more obstacles and delusions that fate and life are more than happy to hand me. Everytime something happens to me, I'd raise my hands in defeat and claim that there isn't anything else I can handle. Yet when life flings another curveball along my way, I...

I have various outlets for writing. One is a public outlet, where only the surface details of my happenings are revealed. 2nd, a locked journal, where only my closest friends are updated on what is really going on. And then there's here, where I'm allowed to express myself freely and without being judged. I try not to type like this in my other outlets. When I do type like this, I get judged. People say I'm trying too hard to sound impressive with great vocab. Truth is, I'm not trying ...

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us ... Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits ... No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves ... Your love makes me at once ...

The rain pours relentlessly outside, beating the windows furiously. It is almost 4am now, and sleep eludes me yet again. It is exceedingly frustrating how I am unable to resume my healthy sleeping habits. I yearn to sleep and wake up at normal hours, I yearn to have healthy and constant meals. I yearn to attend classes like everyone else does and revel in the short-lived laughter everyone indulges in daily. Add another 6 pills to my current 10. I now have 16 pills to take daily so that...

I am nineteen this year. I have only been in love once. I came close to falling in love the 2nd time, but lucky for me, I was hurt before it happened. I am nineteen. And I have already forgotten how it feels like to like someone and to be liked back. I have forgotten how does it feel to have a crush, to giggle and blush everytime he comes near. I have forgotten how it feels like to have your friends nudge you everytime he's in the area. I have forgotten how it feels like to obsess...

My life, has been nothing short of a Korean drama serial. And not in the good way either. It's not in the good way where I find the guy I love (cringe) and everything is okay. I am currently filled with pent up frustration up till HERE. And I have 25 more days to pull through. Just how the hell am I supposed to do that ? I'm being overly reliable on my pills again.. and this is not good at all.

I stand by the shoreline, the wind breezing by gently, teasing my hair into disarray. The car behind me waits patiently as it's owner leans against the door watching me. I turned around and looked -- patience was offered. I had all the time in the world. I looked down in my hand, a glint of silvery shine. I fingered it for a moment or two, closed my eyes, and allowed the flashbacks to drown me. Waves after waves of memories hit me like a sledgehammer. All the laughter, all the angst, all the...

The monotonous rhythm at home was killing me, I had to get out. I packed my gym apparel and headed out. The sun was in my eye, and from the corner of my eye, I saw blue. A blue Citroen Xsara. P-E-N. My heart sank. The sky started to cry so I hurried along and hailed a cab. "Sunway Pyramid." He sped off as the little beads of water hit the windows angrily. With my earphones plugged in, I pondered about that little blue car. I was pretty sure he isn't allowed to get to me anymore, Why did h...

Yesterday, after class, I went over to the chinese restaurant located at the base of Block A. As usual, I made my order, and I waited. I saw that the old man who sold fruits at a little corner nearby smile at me. I smiled back and walked over. He seemed to be in his mid 50s. "Hi girl, want some fruits?" I nodded and replied, "Hi uncle, yeah sure, I haven't seen you around in awhile." "That's because Uncle finished selling all the fruits early. So I go back earlier la ." I noticed that...

It is 11pm, and I just got back from the fitness center. Funny how my days used to start at 4pm but now by 10ish, I'm already sleepy and tired. And the best part is, I wake up nice and early in the mornings. I still can't bring myself to wake up for the 8am class, the sedatives kill me. I usually wake up at half past 8 or somewhere near. And I have my ICC lecture tomorrow. Unfortunately, Mr. Winston isn't so understanding and obliging. He seems more than ready to rip my head off. He alwa...

"There's this girl I like. The first girl I've loved since I was born. And from here on in, she will always be the ones I love, till the day I die."

People have asked me before, but this question is one I asked myself on more than one occasion as well. What do I seek for in love ?   I have been educated in an all-girl's school since I was in primary school. I spent a total of 11 years in a Convent school. I never knew boys on a level where it would make it easy for me to be around them. I first learnt about a boy up close and personal, when I was 15. When I was 15, I thought falling in love was having a name to brag about to...

On days like these, I just want to drive over to an ocean or a beach, sit on the sand and let the waves do their job of cleansing me of everything bad and unhappy. And the memory of ten fingers entwined forever in a hopeless wish.

If Love is a Universal emotion, then the Pain it often causes  is equally Universal.