Right now I'm sitting in the library, watching Cecilia sleep with earphones plugged into her ears, in front of her laptop.
And I realised that I could very well do the same, just shove my laptop fowards and rest my head on the table for a power nap.
Or I could just hike home and sleep, right now. But that won't do me any good, it wont set my biological clock straight. Not right.
And the only other thing keeping me from sleeping is my gastritis. It has successfully become a part of my life.
I forget to eat all the time, or I just don't have the time to. Right now, my stomach hurts, but honestly, it's more of a I-dont-care than anything else.
I see newbies scattered everywhere, I see fresh faces, so distinctive from the rest. I wonder if I looked like that too.
Eager, and nervous and excited at the same time, with glee written all over their faces and carrying a huge stack of books they wont use.
Helping each other with homework and assignment, discussing with enthusiasm and earnest looks. Fresh out of high school. Clean.

Just the other night, one of the many nights I spent in the library alone, I saw this little group, huddled in a room.
I could vaguely make out discussions over ICHB. Snap, instant deja vu, transported to last semester, only a mere 6 months ago.
It wasn't even an assignment, just homework, the very first one we had. We gathered in the library, it was 7pm.
Discussed so earnestly, answers and questions taken to seriously, it was almost as if out lives depended on it. Clean.
Fast forward 6 months later, and you'll find me. Jaded beyond words. I'm only but nineteen years young. Already far too jaded.
There is almost nothing left in life, I take with joy and glee. Nothing left, without hesitation and doubts. Always, always wondering.
I question every action, every thought, ever feeling, every fleeting emotion.
And usually by the time I'm done, there's almost always nothing good left.

One more month left here, 39 days more. It seemed like an easy feat to bear just yesterday. 39 days more till end of sem, bah. Easy peasy.
But today, being thrown back into the battle, it seems like eons. It seems like I can barely crawl through today itself.