I seriously think that I should stick a huge sign saying "Stupid Moron" on my forehead.

Because I really believe that I am.

I am here, in the Media Hub because of reasons which I do not want to explain again, frozen half to death with a fever to boot. Oh and feeling like a great big fool.

Yesterday, I missed 2 classes in the morning because I was knackered and the fever was drowning me. I almost couldnt see straight. But I got up, and I made it for ICG in the afternoon anyways, and I met C there. She seemed really concerned throughout the whole saga and drama about everything. She asked me how am I doing, I told her, about the break-in, about the brief hospital trip, about the fever and everything. And then she seemed to really listened, it was almost as if she understood. She then invited me for dinner that night, I said okay.

So after dinner that night, I went back to her place, because I needed some help with my ICC, and I couldnt stand being alone again for another night. So admittedly, we didnt get much work done, we talked for the most part of it. She askeda few questions which kinda triggered in me revealing quite abit. Stuff that I have kept to myself and not told anyone, because I didnt wanna risk things getting out of hand, another drama and speculations unfolding. It is all stupid and redundant and frankly, I do not need any of that anymore. Do not want any of that anymore. But I told her a few things, like in the aspects of how I was misunderstood. How so many things were untrue, yet I was still accused of doing those things. My tone was one of resignation and bitterness. But if there's something I have learnt, is that there are some things, that you just have to accept.

So I told her a few things, she told me a few things. And it turned out that despite all that she has been helping with, like me, S & H because we are all quite messed up inside in our own ways, she's the one who is left empty inside. And I feel for her, so she in turn confided in me some. And I told her of how grateful I was, to have her, E & S, who at least speaks to me if nothing else. Because I am already being judged for things I did, which I readily accept the blame for, but the things and words that I didnt do or didnt say.. ? Now how about that ? But they are still speaking to me anyways, and I am really grateful for that. And I mentioned it to her. And so it goes without speaking, that if she were to come across a hard time like this, I would be thre for her too. I would. Without hesistation, I would be there for her. But it didnt come up, so I didnt mention it. I just told her of the turmoil inside me, how I'm always empty now, and I'm okay with that. We parted on good terms, I felt a little lighter, I felt like there is a place for me somewhere in this world now. I felt alright.

And then I had a fever this morning again. I texted C, to let her know what was wrong and that I couldnt attend today's tutorial. There was no reply. I woke up, decided that I had to study and cope with the rest of the syllabus, and I came to Media Hub with books in hand and everything else.

I turned on the computer and I saw this: 

which, according to me gut instincts, refers to me.

And I feel like I've been slapped in the face, hard.

Because really, how stupid can I get....

p/s; paranoia. but still, cant be too careful.