Welcome to my Personal Day of Hell.

It starts off with me entering class for the very first time this semester. I got odd looks, credits to E for trying to talk to me, and trying to rope me in though. I pretended to be oblivious to the world, with my earphone plugged in and reading a book. Sat right up front, hoping that it would do the job. It kinda did. H was seemingly indifferent, I suppose. J said hi to me. If I had left it at that, it would have been fine I guess. But I had to join C, C, E & T for dinner, because E offered to do the assignments together. So I joined. And it was, as usual, awkward. I think this is becoming a norm for me, awkwardness.

And I felt so bad for T because everyone else was speaking in Mandarin, and she couldnt understand, so she sat down quietly somewhere, texting (most likely H, come to think of it.) So then we adjourned, and were supposed to meet at C’s place to do our assignments. Awkward much ? When T loudly asked C, what is the english word for cold shoulder, (obviously talking about me), and then H calling T just to let her know that he is done with his assignments (this one hurt so so so bad, its what he used to do to me.) and then they made fun of her, so I’m guessing something is defo going on.

And E, C & C went into C’s room to “check out her dress” but obviously nothing like that went on.

And what’s worse it, I head about S & S breaking up, and I texted the female S twice, to see if she was okay. I think I probably shouldnt have done that, becanse she did not reply on both counts, and I IM-ed S (male) and asked him outright if he hates me, to which he said “no, he doesnt, because i didnt do anything to him, but he does dislike what I did to T, and the pack of lies I told”. In a positively glacial manner.

So I am struggling, to survive the aftermath of today, and am still trying to survive tomorrow. I am already wounded, already bleeding, but I will still try to fight on. I will still try.

p/s; I really need him now but he’s pissed at me, I sense history repeating itself, but right now, even though I am in so much  need of a friend, I dont know what else can I do to help myself with him. I don’t know. And right now, this moment, I cannot be bothered. At all.