I had the weirdest series of dreams ever.

I’m starting to think that my dreams are reflecting on what I really want inside, only I am too afraid to admit it, or I never really knew.

I have been dreaming of H & T lately, It seems I miss than more than I’d like to admit. A little disconcerting. Like I dreamt that T has forgiven me, and although not as warm and trusting as before, she was still willing to accept me. And H started speaking to me again. And I can’t stop thinking about him, not in the other way, in the just friends way. I keep thinking of those times when we’d had so much fun together, his 5 year old laughter, that night when he & I and me spent the night in my room, I fell asleep, as usual, and him and me, we chatted all night long, about everything and everyone, it was so nice. And the Langkawi trip, the peanuts incident… Could I ever heal and move on from this ? Maybe I fell deeper than I thought I would, but it was nevertheless not as deep as Lily, not deep until I can’t pull myself out. The hurt is still excruciating, but without him I can live. I don’t know.. Maybe he is already healing from all this, just not me.

I miss times with him alot. I miss being happy. It is a feeling I miss very very much.

I really have to stop letting my heart feel like this.

Haven’t I learnt my lesson, this is dangerous.

Far, far too dangerous.